Trite nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it isn’t well-meaning. It certainly is. It just seems like the kind of thing people say after their lives have turned out how they wanted them to, to rationalize past bullshit. Have you ever heard somebody who’s heartbroken, broke, and otherwise not doing terribly well insisting to those around him that all of the bad things in their lives happen “for a reason”? Of course you don’t.

Well, of course it’s easier to cope with if you just refer to the wasted years of your life as happening “for a reason”. Or, I don’t know, maybe sometimes things suck and sometimes things don’t, and there’s no shame in looking back at not figuring it out and just taking it for what it was. It certainly didn’t happen because of some greater plan. Thinking everyone’s lives fit into a movie script-like story arc is folly.

Everything happens because everything can happen.

I haven’t dated anyone for a calendar year now. I don’t mind saying that because I don’t think any judgement should come with that fact, but it’s still a bit jarring to write. I’m 26! I’m supposed to be in the middle of some 20-something love affair like all the people on TV and the movies are! Nope. Not me. I had a serious attempt at online dating in 2011, followed by a parodical one, followed by a few months of bitterness and trying to convince everyone I was an INDEPENDENT STRONG DUDE GRR NO TIME FOR THAT BULLSHIT. That…ended poorly.

Obviously, one can only put on a face for so long. Eventually I had to be honest with myself again, a process which brings with it a lot of emotional binging and purging, which always makes me a bit tougher to be around. I’m always fortunate to have friends patient enough for that, but it’s unpleasant, and I’ve decided that I might as well be honest with everyone than be some kind of cynical self-parody that swings around in perpetuity. Before New Year’s, though, I decided after talking to a friend I had to get things in order, and primarily focus on bringing to an end my eternal quest for gainful full-time employment. Just before that I had lost out on a job last month because I was, as the employer put it, overqualified. I thought it was a slam dunk, and the setback did little for my mental facilities.

Once I buried myself one more time it was time to climb out, forget past failures, and get to the business of setting myself straight. I’ve cut back on drinking and tried to stop repeating the same self-defeating cycle that drives everyone, most of all me, completely insane. Those things never go totally away, of course, but I believe I will conquer them in due time. I say they won’t go away until then because there are still days like today when I wake up tired and irritated. Why? Because of someone I dated a year ago.

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I always get excited when job applications ask this. Can I put “a billion dollars a year”? I’d really like a billion dollars a year. A billion dollars a year would be cool. I’ll even settle for a million. I’m flexible!

Today I was working out east and just being in that area reminded me of how fun fall can be. This weekend I am going to ComicCon in NY which should be fab, but past that I want to:

1. Go pumpkin picking. Also: make jack o’lanterns, because I have never actually done this.
2. Go out east for a day and maybe hang out there at night, because you can see the stars better out there.
3. Go to the beach at night. This goes with #2, but I mean there’s something I like about the beach in cold weather.
4. Avoid the MLB playoffs, because they’re going to be horrible and already have been.
5. Start working out again and stop drinking four loko. This will happen once I stop being banged up from this past week’s softball games.

I can’t think of anything else but I’m open to ideas. Not that it matters because I probably won’t do any of these things. Damn it!

I had a dream last night that my dog had come back. In the dream my mom said that they lied about Krista dying so I wouldn’t be upset when she did and that it had gone to the doctor, and, against all odds, she was healthy and happy again and had come back home. So I basically spent the dream playing with my dog. It was fucking awesome.

And then I woke up, which sucked. That dream was probably the best thing that happened this week though.

I got a lot of kind words and thoughts about Krista and I just wanted to let you guys know it helped and it meant a lot to me. She was a great dog and it always sucks to lose a pet, but I think in time you tend to look back at the good times more than anything. Make sure you enjoy the time you have with your pets and I hope you guys are all doing well. Thanks again.

This is where Luke’s fantastic birthday celebration came to a conclusion the other night. The place has a gigantic United flag hanging from the roof, but the bartender insisted they play both City and United fixtures there. I also had my first experience meeting an Aston Villa fan. Him and his girlfriend, who are both British, were there. He was impressed that I knew my football (most Americans, he said, just know “Beckham this and Beckham that”), and that made me feel pretty cool, especially in my state at the time. They even bought me a drink! Pretty cool. I wished Villa and Steven Ireland luck and bid them a good night. Basically, I think this means I should hang out in more soccer bars, like the Mad Hatter (which is actually the official City bar in the city).

A friend of mine gave me these very clever calling cards to give to ladies when I’m out and about on the town. This past weekend, I got fabulously blasted and actually handed a couple out. Aside from a funny voicemail essentially saying “don’t call back”, the success rate is the same so far as the success rate for whatever else I’ve been trying for most of the past decade, that is to say, non-existent. But here’s to trying new things, right? 

Also, after discussing it the other night, I think saying somebody is “too nice” is the lamest and probably fakest reason to come up with for not being interested in someone, for a myriad of reasons. And I’ve experienced or heard some pretty bad ones. True story.